5.9.11
Happy Mothers Day + another sad story!
Happy Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful, special, amazing mothers! I have a brilliant mother! She is truly so amazing in so many ways! I am lucky to have a selfless woman in my life who I know would take my pain away in a heartbeat if she could. Who would make my dreams come true if there was a way! I am very blessed to be so loved. Not only by my mother but also my wonderful and sweet mother-in-law! Two Amazing women in my life who I love so MUCH!!
I Love Mothers day and that fact that we get to celebrate mother all around us. Now for my (hate) relationship with mothers day. I know that this is going to sound like a repeat post from a little earlier, but Terry and I once again found out that we were surprisingly pregnant in April again! We were so excited and I felt alot different then the first pregnancy.... I was going to be a mom and mothers day was in view for me again.....
However, On Tuesday May 3, I started cramping and spotting yet again. I went to the doctor to see what was going on. I was put through the ringer of an exam and came to determine/saw my baby and that things were okay. I had 2 positive to 1 negative. My baby and the sac looked great, but I was unknown reason bleeding.. The doctor told me to take it easy and get some blessing and come back in a week. I had blessings and my little sister and husband started a big fast/prayer for me! But unfortunately, the baby was taken away once again from us! This was an extremely painful, and emotional experience to have to go through YET again!! definitely worse then the first time. Nothing could touch me I was in a VERY dark place.
On Thursday, I went back to the doctor to confirm the loss and to try to find answers. There aren't many answers, but I do have to take hormones the next time we get pregnant. It is so frustrating to be in this situation again. I mean, I know that is is my own fault, we were expecting to get pregnant again SO fast! This is the hardest thing to go through!
We are so thankful for prayers and blessing and the support of our family and friends. I am doing better, still very emotional and having my up and downs. It is going to be a while before this body tries to have a baby again. Both physically and emotionally! I don't understand. I never will understand way we have to continue to go through hard ache like this! Its so so so hard to want something so bad and not knowing why you can't have it. I am getting older and now the dream is getting further way.....
Like I said. it is such a repeat post from only three before! but this is my life and it sucks! It truly does! I am lucky to have such a sweet and passionate husband who has been going through the same pain a me!! I have put him through the ringer of emotions, mood, and tears! He is so strong and loving!
I am so excited we still have our cruise to fall on to get away from the pain and misery we have been living in! I know that we will be parents ONE day. When, I have no clue, but it will happen. For now all we can do is live life and work hard and play hard and travel and do the things we wanna do!
Thanks for reading, I am sorry for the drama posting of my life! Thanks again to everyone around us! We couldn't get through this alone!!
Lots of LOVE to everyone especially my husband!
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6 comments:
Of all the things that we have to truly hold on to in this life it is faith in God's timing. We may not ever understand. But we will get through it.
You are strong.The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it can be a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. But its true about how its not about how hard you are beat, but how you keep moving forward. No one is measuring how fast you go, or how long it takes to get up again... just that you do. You are worth the effort, and you can do anything.
It is all about the timing. Love you, my dearest sister.
Thank you Janeal for the wonderful comments. You know if I could I would!! I love being your mom and having you for a daughter. Hang in there and if you need something, just ask!!
I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I know that there aren't really any words that I can say to make you feel better but I will always be thinking about you and definitely keep you in my prayers! Sometimes God has different plans than we think we need at the time and that is the hardest thing to understand sometimes. Keep on going! You and Terry will be fantastic parents when that time comes!!
So sorry to hear of your loss again, that is so hard! My mom and sister both have had miscarriages. I am excited for you that you get to do the cruise, that will be awesome!
Janeal....it is NOT your fault. I have lost 4 babies in the past 2 years, I have had to deal with the same horrible emotions and struggles and if I can tell you anything do not blame yourself. Put your trust in the Lord...and look for any tender mercy you can find...they are there. I have felt the same way about Mother's Day...but the day will come. It hasn't come for me yet...but I still know that it will come. We will be praying for you during this challenging time. Give yourself time to heal and stay close to the Lord and to Terry because they are the only ones who truly know you and your emotions right now.
Oh Janeal! I am so sorry! I can sympathize whole heartedly with you. It is so hard to have to go through such pain. You will be in my prayers. I was on progestrone hormones this time around for the first three months, and it saved my pregnancy. I hope it can help you too.
I'm so sorry you have had to go through all of this. But don't apologize for it! You did nothing wrong. Sometimes our bodies just fight us like crazy to get these sweet babies here, and someday it will all be worth it. You won't ever forget the ones you lost, but you will hold the ones closer and tighter that you finally get blessed with.
I know it doesn't seem like it now, but someday you will look back on this moment with new perspective about life, and God's plan for you and Terry.
Going through the dark place is so normal, don't feel bad about it! It's all apart of the greaving process, and you have to handle that before you reach peace. Sometimes it takes a long long time to get out of it. Just hold tight to Terry, and pray your heart out for comfort!
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