Monday, May 9, 2011

A LOVE/HATE Relationship...


Happy Mothers Day + another sad story!

Happy Happy Mothers Day to all the beautiful, special, amazing mothers! I have a brilliant mother! She is truly so amazing in so many ways! I am lucky to have a selfless woman in my life who I know would take my pain away in a heartbeat if she could. Who would make my dreams come true if there was a way! I am very blessed to be so loved.  Not only by my mother but also my wonderful and sweet mother-in-law! Two Amazing women in my life who I love so MUCH!!

I Love Mothers day and that fact that we get to celebrate mother all around us.  Now for my (hate) relationship with mothers day. I know that this is going to sound like a repeat post from a little earlier, but Terry and I once again found out that we were surprisingly pregnant in April again! We were so excited and I felt alot different then the first pregnancy.... I was going to be a mom and mothers day was in view for me again.....

However, On Tuesday May 3, I started cramping and spotting yet again. I went to the doctor to see what was going on. I was put through the ringer of an exam and came to determine/saw my baby and that things were okay. I had 2 positive to 1 negative.  My baby and the sac looked great, but I was unknown reason bleeding.. The doctor told me to take it easy and get some blessing and come back in a week.  I had blessings and my little sister and husband started a big fast/prayer for me! But unfortunately, the baby was taken away once again from us! This was an extremely painful, and emotional experience to have to go through YET again!! definitely worse then the first time. Nothing could touch me I was in a VERY dark place. 

On Thursday, I went back to the doctor to confirm the loss and to try to find answers. There aren't many answers, but I do have to take hormones the next time we get pregnant. It is so frustrating to be in this situation again. I mean, I know that is is my own fault, we were expecting to get pregnant again SO fast! This is the hardest thing to go through!

We are so thankful for prayers and blessing and the support of our family and friends. I am doing better, still very emotional and  having my up and downs.  It is going to be a while before this body tries to have a baby again. Both physically and emotionally!  I don't understand. I never will understand way we have to continue to go through hard ache like this! Its so so so hard to want something so bad and not knowing why you can't have it. I am getting older and now the dream is getting further way.....

Like I said.  it is such a repeat post from only three before! but this is my life and it sucks! It truly does! I am lucky to have such a sweet and passionate husband who has been going through the same pain a me!! I have put him through the ringer of emotions, mood, and tears! He is so strong and loving!

I am so excited we still have our cruise to fall on to get away from the pain and misery we have been living in! I know that we will be parents ONE day. When, I have no clue, but it will happen. For now all we can do is live life and work hard and play hard and travel and do the things we wanna do!
Thanks for reading, I am sorry for the drama posting of my life! Thanks again to everyone around us! We couldn't get through this alone!!

Lots of LOVE to everyone especially my husband!